Farting in the Office for Beginners

Trish, Assistant to the Sr. VP of Human Resources

To: ALL EMPLOYEES
From: Trish in HR
Subject: Farting in the Office for Beginners

Hi!
Last week’s unscheduled fire alarm, we now know, was pulled by Rita Foster, who, by the way, is no longer with the company. Even though she had only been with us a few days, we wish her well in her next job, assuming she finds one.

It’s probably useful to remind everyone that pulling a fire alarm without reasonable cause is grounds for dismissal.

Here’s a handy chart to help us all understand what is and isn’t “reasonable cause” for pulling the fire alarm:

REASONS TO PULL FIRE ALARM

• Smoke seen in the building.
• Flames seen in the building.

NOT REASONS TO PULL FIRE ALARM

• A bad smell, like someone farted.

Hoping to avoid a repeat of the unnecessary loss of productivity during the building evacuation, leadership asked the Human Resources team to offer guidelines on how to pass gas (i.e., “fart”) in the office.

How to fart in the…